Thursday, October 24, 2013

Compost Like a Vampire

In honor of the best holiday of the year, I’ve traveled in a horse drawn carriage through creepy woods all the way to Transylvania to bring you the best backyard composting advise from Dracula himself. Vampires have had centuries to perfect backyard composting (what better to do between stalking human prey and brooding over their own immortality).

Sink your teeth into these juicy tips.

1. Be Selective in Your Food Choices

An exclusive regimen of human blood works well for a vampire and you should consider being equally picky when it comes to choosing what to compost. Only place materials that will safely decompose in your bin. No meat, dairy, carnivore manure, oil, plastic, or metal. Here’s a good do and don’t compost list. Old garlic is optional.

2. Wear Black

Maybe vamps know that black attracts heat which helps warm old food scraps and undead bodies alike. Black compost bins work well to hold and trap heat to keep your pile decomposing.

3. Use the Old to Make the New

It’s common knowledge that you need old vampire blood to make a new vampire. Use a little finished compost when you’re starting a new pile to jump start your compost into action.

Composting does not have to be a pain in the neck, you can follow the advice of these blood-thirsty, creatures of the night to make your life easier. After all, the environment is at stake, so suck it up and compost everything possible, your effort will not be in vein.

More Halloween themed posts: Smashing Pumpkins and Three Warning Signs Your Compost Pile is a Zombie.


  1. Does the composte pile need to be turned often during the winter months?

    1. Great question. I recommend not turning the pile during the winter. Your pile will mostly go dormant during the winter so turning it will be a waste of time. Do keep adding food scraps and covering them with leaves. You can resume turning in March when the weather warms up.

  2. We were considering the purchase of a leaf grinder/mulcher this fall. Wouldn't mulching yard waste speed up composting? Could you recommend a research path to find the best tool available to fit our needs. We searched the Hamilton County Library Site but had no luck finding books on this subject.

    1. Leaf grinders/ mulchers absolutely will speed up the composting process. We've always just borrowed our in-laws' mulcher so I've never purchased one but I would recommend starting with some internet searching like